The journey I am on is only a small piece of the puzzle; a puzzle of a larger plan for us all. I’m not going to go into any sap details on my personal life, but I do want to share some pivotal moments or situations that have shaped my point of view on life and my existence.
My lovely life started back in 1997, on September 15 in San Jose, California, 8:19 pm to be exact. It has been a journey I have wanted to take, and have made the choice to make the best of every single day.
Life hasn’t been perfect by any means, and it hasn’t been anywhere close to a disaster either.
Growing up I felt so odd, almost like there was actually something wrong with me.
I never had tons of friends. I never pushed myself into the spotlight. I more than often felt disliked, or at least misunderstood, wherever I went if we are being honest here.
I have always been pretty shy, quiet, introverted, and into other worldly things. I can’t even count the amount of times I have been called ‘weird’, ‘mysterious’ or ‘different’..
I don’t know what it is about some people, but just because someone isn’t talking your ear off does NOT mean they are trying to be rude, or don’t like you, I could just be listening, or enjoying my surroundings. (OR I actually don’t like you.)
I grew up in Stockton, California with my parents divorced, and my older brother as my best friend.
Around 2002, at the end of my first grade year, my mother moved my brother and I with her to Anthem, Arizona; where I started the 2nd grade.
Anthem, if you’ve ever been, is a town you can drive past in 60 seconds.. three main streets creating a triangle of rich, stuck-up, and sheltered citizens obsessed with their ‘perfect’ lives.
Hey, not everyone was this way, but I can say from encounters with many families, peers in school, and just hearing what everyone else said about each other justifies everything.
It’s a beautiful place to live, no doubt, just going from living in an extremely poor area to a rich, lavish lifestyle really opens your eyes to the character in people.
I felt judged by what I wore, owned, and even came from.
I had few friends growing up, probably one good friend at a time with a couple acquaintances that would play with us.
I became friends with many other children of completely different cultures and religions as me. I remember back when I was in middle school, I would attend my best friends mormon services in order to be spending time with her on the weekends!
I didn’t mind. I didn’t personally follow or believe in what was being taught, but my point is that I was exposed to many different beliefs growing up.
I didn’t care what others were doing, I didn’t always even understand it all. I never judged anyone based on their personal beliefs.
I think that’s what’s different about me; I am at peace with the moments, the little things, open to seeing the world from another’s perspective.
I feel into every experience I have. I lean into my intuition to guide me. I see the true intentions of those around me.
I see the beauty in the world, the colors, the pattern, the love, joy, & the heartbreaks.
I feel like it’s a blessing, and a curse.
As a child, I grew up in a relatively strict religious Christian family. I mean I wouldn’t say too strict, but strict enough to where we actually read the bible every night, and went to weekly church groups around the sunday services.
When I first moved to Arizona, I lived with my grandparents down in Tucson for a summer while my parents moved us from California to Anthem.
I shit you not, every single day, EVERY DAY, my brother & I had to read aloud a chapter or two with my grandparents and discuss the teachings.
So after reading the christian bible probably 6 times by the time I was 8 years old, I was really tired of this shit. No disrespect to those with religious beliefs, just not my path to take, not my truth.
From an early age, I just wasn’t vibing with the religious ideas being taught.
I felt like I could not keep participating in something that I truthfully did not stand for.
I felt forced to accept the ‘teachings’ and honestly, didn’t really understand most of the analogies.
Now, I don’t mean that I think these views are bad or wrong at all, but that I personally did not stand for each ‘lesson’ being taught & felt strongly about what I felt myself was truly right and wrong.
I felt as if I did not need a book to tell me how to live my life, but that I, myself, could decipher what it meant to live a good life and be a genuinely good person.
I didn’t know how I would figure this out, but I knew I would someday.
I told my parents I just didn’t believe in a god, that I was atheist.
I honestly just didn’t see the point in my existence, what I even was, what the purpose was. I was at a point where I felt like we just are here to live our lives, and die on this rock.
I knew this still didn’t feel right, but I didn’t align with the other teachings I was exposed to at the time.
There is one day I will never forget, and looking back I admire this woke ass woman for this influence. A good old friend of mine’s mom bought her and I a little astrology book about our zodiac signs from Barnes & Noble.
She told us as we figured out our signs by birthdate, “Here read these girls, you can learn A LOT about yourself from astrology. It’s real!”.
We went home and read all about our signs. I learned I was a Virgo. I guess it made sense. I still didn’t understand back then how much this would soon influence my inspiration to look within.
I realize now, that this was also a book. BUT, not a book that held consequences, but only gave a perspective to the world we inhabit.
High School came around, and life became a bit more confusing.
I genuinely felt insane for thinking that there HAD to be something more to life than what we are just doing mindlessly day in and day out.
I remember being barely 17 and looking out of the window of my (ex) boyfriends jeep in a Chipotle parking lot, and thinking to myself, “Am I insane?”
Genuinely, I cannot describe what I was feeling or going through, it was almost a slow unveiling of truths and hidden meanings I hadn’t recognized before.
I was consumed by thought concerning finding something out. The craziest part, was that I knew I was just searching, for SOMETHING.
Why was I so obsessed with the unknown, the unseen, the mystical?
No fucking clue.
I still am and I absolutely do NOT regret this phase of my life.
I am so happy I pushed myself down the ‘rabbit hole’.
I was the girl who didn’t want to go to your friday night keggers, or the one who did any type of school activity like cheer or tennis. I feel like I really didn’t do much in highschool, besides maybe smoke a lot of reefer.
I didn’t care to be liked, but I wanted to be respected for going against the grain. I didn’t care if you didn’t vibe with me, because I had my own agenda and it usually wasn’t a social one.
I was on a mission, a mission to figure out why the fuck I am so overwhelmingly indulged in consciousness itself.
What was I?
I wanted to fit in, but I wanted to stand out for being real.
What even was real anymore?
I wanted to understand what this life was and meant, but I felt so lost in a sea of people that think that popularity, money, and social media fame meant you were truly living.
I got in with what people would say are the ‘bad crowds’, but I felt most myself at these points in time.I felt respected, loved, and most importantly heard & seen for what I felt and had to say.
I graduated high school in 2015 at the age of 17, and started attending the local community college in the area. I moved out of my mother’s house at 18 and moved in with friends.
My group of friends through those times slowly faded away one by one from detachment, and some sadly death throughout college.
By this time, I the head hostess for a Japanese teppanyaki restaurant, and training to be a server/bartender. I spent most of my days working, going to school, and focusing on my friends as much as I could.
All I cared about at that point was what I thought was ‘enjoying’ life. I didn’t want to focus of my future goals, when all I had were the moments with my friends right now.
I couldn’t regret losing any more moments with the people closest to me.
The one thing that came to me during this time was that I am losing out on the true moments that will make my LIFE, not just the moment.
I was spending so much time and money to alleviate my pain in the moment, that I wasn’t healthily coping with my reality anymore.
I wasn’t prioritizing my college courses, you know just the shit that will help me help more people.
I was bored with where I was, and I didn’t know exactly where I was going. I knew I wanted to help people, or at least help people like me.
I said to myself, “I am only 20, and I have bigger goals than being comfortable.”
I needed a new start in something fulfilling…
I started working on my mental health, my well-being, myself.
I started changing my habits, such as listening to motivational podcasts/videos in the morning while I get ready, drinking more water, and getting more sunlight.
I started breathing practices, yoga & meditation. I just started submerging myself into what felt right and most at home with my soul.
I began looking into astrological energy readings, learning and applying relevant concepts that I experiences myself, and following the moon cycles and the lessons they bring.
I never stopped searching for more knowledge.
All through my years, every single day, I am looking for what is next for me. I wait patiently knowing what is meant to be will be.
I have had many experiences that have brought the knowledge I need to understand who I am.
Most of my experiences stem from deep thoughts, undeniable experiences that happen before my very eyes, fun experiences.
I am still figuring out more layers to this shit each day, but have gathered enough to help share and inspire those who are seeking the path less traveled.
REMEMBER: What you seek, is seeking you.
What I was ultimately seeking was a relationship with mySELF, or higher, true authentic soul.
I wanted to live according to my truth, and not what I felt I should be doing based on others expectations. I was done with living a lie, living for other people, and not myself.
I realized that I am a multi-dimensional, infinite light being. Period.
I am energy, and I cannot die, only be transferred. I am no longer scared of what happens after my body dies, I am excited to see what is next.
I realized that I have infinite potential, infinite knowledge, and infinite love radiating out of my soul.
My mission now is to strengthen this relationship I have with the Universe, or god, and allow myself to act upon my true essence.
I was done selling myself short for a meaningless 9-5 that didn’t even care about what my personal life entailed.
As long as they got their money’s worth out of me & I didn’t take too much time off, I was just another money bag to them.
I wanted to redirect the route of my life in some positive way. I wanted to be making a difference with the company I worked for. I wanted to feel good about offering services or products to people.
Eventually, I applied for a sales associate position at a local CBD shop in N. Phoenix.
This was something out of my comfort zone, as Cannabis is pretty controversial with all of the legalities around it.
I wanted a fun job, where I was able to have the freedom to work how I wanted, and was able to help each and every person that walked in the door.
I absolutely LOVE coming in to work every single day because of the amazing clients we serve, and the amount of success stories brought in from our products.
Nothing is more satisfying at the end of the day than knowing that you personally helped someone live a better life.
This, by far, has been the most fulfilling job I have obtained. The abundance is plentiful emotionally, and financially. (Ok.. not too plentiful financially.)
In the midst of working here, I have found my passion of psychology and helping those in need.
I can’t believe the amount of hard work it has taken me to get where I am today; living an authentic, happy, giving life.
Don’t be fooled by these words though, my life is not perfect at all.
I am simply striving to be a better me at all times, and that’s really the only thing I can do to truly be happy.
I am learning to be happy with my flaws, imperfections, and lessons learned through life experiences.
I have so much on my plate to share with you guys, but just know that though self-love and self-acceptance… life is so magical.
By truly working on myself, day in and day out, I have realized my potential and purpose of helping others.
It’s not what you have, what you wear, or who you meet that matters; it’s who you are as a person and what you do with your time that truly matters.
What I truly want in life is to give all of the energy and passion I have towards helping others, and make an impact.
I want to help empower YOU to be your best self.
I want you to be living the life of your dreams, absolutely thriving.
I want to help you manage your emotions.
I want to help you get ahold of your life, and drive that passion back to your core.
If 16 year old me knew what I knew now….wow.. Could I go back in time with the knowledge I have now?! Unfortunately, no.
What I can do though, is write about those things I struggled with, was interested in, or wish i knew then. For you. That’s why.
I want to provide the internet with a REAL perspective.
I will never be fake with you. I will always be giving my true and authentic self and truth with you.
I am not here to please anyone by telling you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.
Blogging is something extremely raw in my perspective; where you can really hear my voice as I type and feel what I am saying. It’s always been my strong point, but not in the academic system where guidelines have to be met.
I hate structure. I want to be FREE! Free of restrictions, filters, and the damn structure of following someone else’s terms!
So here I am, writing my little heart away to finally exhaust the built up creative forces inside my 5 foot tall body. VegetablyAware was created with YOU in mind.
So let’s take a trip into the mind of someone worth knowing (for once.)