This week has totally got me in my head. I was really thinking about what truly matters in life, and it could just be the energy, but I was really thinking about this while I was out driving. Then I saw a bunch of different number synchronicities and I was like, “I have to go see share this with everyone of my podcast”, because why not, and I really think that this could help some of you the past week or so.
I’ve really been feeling like I was in like a ‘frump’ at my job. We’ve been pretty busy internally and I’ve attended a couple networking events during my regular working hours. So, in my head I fell behind on my work just because of those things throwing me off so many hours.
If you know me and my hype vibed prime, I’m like really organized, productive, and usually about three steps ahead of the game, especially in my job life. When it comes to my job and my professional life for some reason, it’s always the most serious thing in my life.
When I’m not aligned with that, I feel really odd. I basically came to this moment while I was explaining this whole situation about how I was feeling to my boss. We have like a chill relationship, and I’m able to be like, “Hey, I’m not really feeling it.”, and they get it. Because you know, we’re all human and you can expect yourself to always be giving 100% all the time.
We have all learned about that work-life balance, and I feel like honestly, I don’t even remember where exactly, maybe like a high school health class? I don’t really remember where, but it’s that general information that everyone knows; that you need to have a balance between work, life, and play, yada yada.
When I got my job when I was 16 years old, I was working as a CarHop at Sonic drive-in. I felt like I was totally able to have that freedom to finally by myself and create the experiences that I wanted to do; you know, buy things for myself: make up, clothes, food. I wasn’t saving for shit and it was almost like cool to like have more hours than other people… or maybe it was just a competitive thing I was into.
Now I’m like, “I want to work as little as possible and make as much money as I can”.
While I was talking to my boss, I brought up how I was starting to feel drained coming into work, because my job position it originally started out as just a sales associate, but as it’s been slower and as I’ve been with the company and helps them overtime, I started doing social media.I will create all the graphics for social media, come up with the content for the post, and then the up store sales- anything along those lines. I also started blog writing, and that’s probably the biggest stressor, because obviously here I produce my own content and this something that I’ve been really trying to do, you know.
I felt like I was doing this for someone else, why don’t I just do it for myself and help myself progress in life and do things.
I love my job too- just basically coming in and doing the blogs. I don’t mind. I love doing it and I love being able to help the company out. And you know, if they make more money, I make more money; it’s kind of a win-win but my brain doesn’t just produce content everyday. I’m sure you guys can relate to that, because just like anything.. you can’t just expect yourself to always come up with genius ideas every day.
So yeah, I’ve just was being clear with him like, you know, I can’t provide creative content on a daily basis. I feel pretty behind on just not being able to schedule out all my work and also not being on the same page as everyone do to like those events we went to. Iwas also realizing that we weren’t even falling behind.
At this exact moment, I’m looking at my boss, and I’m also saying in my mind, “we aren’t even falling behind. I’m just a freaking perfectionist and I’m beating myself up really bad. And now it’s really coming out.”
I’m really becoming aware of not being in my ‘prime state’, and how much that bothers me. I realized I get so overwhelmed thinking about all the things I want to do, and not the things I have to do.
What are you so busy with when you’re busy? What’s actually keeping you busy? Going deeper into the conversation, I was telling my boss how if I really really think about it, and if I’m really being honest with myself; my jobs have always been a happy place for me.
It was always has been that way, you know? I get paid for being there every time, I get to kind of hang out with people if I make the most of it and I’m not having to deal with the bullshit going on in my life. My home life wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies.
Even going through college and things like that, my jobs have always been a place where I can just kind of escape my life, and maybe avoid things because I have to work. I’m just being honest.
When I go to work and get exhausted, then I go home after putting all of my energy into work, and then I come home and have no energy for myself. I literally just will like cook a dinner or maybe we’ll go out to dinner (which I enjoy doing that greatly), but I’m not coming home and wanting to work on my my own business, and I slack sometimes on providing my own content because I’m putting all my energy into my nine-to-five.
Your girls in the process of getting out of this, I’m being very patient, and I have to enjoy this process of creating the content. I’m in the process of becoming my own boss and living life on my terms. If I can document this process and help you understand that it’s all real and possible… that’s all I want.
I’m literally just a 22 year old girl living in Phoenix, AZ, and I’m sitting in my apartment right now with my dogs; just cleaned my carpets and I have no rich parents that help me do anything. Like, I’m just doing this by myself, and I’m literally just following my intuition trying to reach out to other like minded souls.
And I’m on a tangent now, but you know, like I never have time for that and it was like really really getting to me because i’m usually on top of my shit. So, life has been getting to me.
I think it’s the retrograde.
Really becoming aware of all this, I realized that I have to sit back from work and I had to start saying no to some of the extra little design tasks that they wanted me to do. I need to focus more on getting up, making my juice, going on a nice walk, doing my gratitude list, doing the stretches, and feeling like I have enough time and energy to do that.
Not feel like I need to get up 3 hours early before I go to work to make sure I do everything else before then, and think about how I need to drive in traffic to work. I just don’t even want to think about work as much.
I really just want to focus my time want activities outside of work, you know, what’s truly important to me, and that’s my health, my spirituality, my mental health, my connection with the universe. It’s really been the way with this Mercury retrograde in Pisces. I also see 1:11 on the clock right now.
I’ve been trying to work on that balance of what’s truly important, and what I can get out of life, because that’s how I’m satisfied.
Here are some questions for you (and don’t get mad at me if this hits you in your feels):
Are you spending so much time at your fucking job that you go home & go to bed every day?
It’s time to break that cycle. You are more than just your job.
Do you really think that you’re going to be at the same fucking job for the rest of your life? & that’s genuinely what’s going to make you happy?
When you reach that position or that number in your bank account, are you really, are you really, are you really going to be happy, or are you going to consciously choose to be happy NOW?
This is what I was telling my boss. I can’t get to thinking that when I reach a certain position, a certain goal at work, a certain paycheck amount, or hit a certain goal on my debt payoff plan; that I’m going to be happy.
No, that’s not how it works. I need to focus on all the things that make me happy now not later not when I make more money to have more time later, because that’s not guaranteed. Genuinely. Like who’s to say that I’ll even wake up tomorrow. Are you listening? Yes, you. It’s possible, and we take this all for granted.
If we can’t be happy now, we can be happy ever; that’s how life works. There is a literally ONLY this moment right now. The past is already gone & the future hasn’t already happened yet. Every fucking moment is the only moment that we truly ever have. Most of us are stuck in the past- stuck reliving the same cycle or situation, or worrying anxiously over shit that hasn’t even happened yet. That’s the true insanity here.
That’s the illusion right there.
It’s hard to deal with some people, because they can’t see the story that they’re telling themselves. The more we worry, worry, worry, worry, worry- you can’t relax,your uncomfortable. You’re tight, your stressed. You’re just repelling everything good from yourself, and bringing in stress and even more than what you experienced x10.
That’s what happens is when you’re holding in these emotional blockages and baggage.
The pent up emotions start to hurt you physically, and your body is like, “Hey you have shit you need to deal with!”, and that’s another episode.
Anyways, if the goal is just to be happy…. if that’s your goal.
Listen up listen real close.
Just be fucking happy; there is only this moment. So why not enjoy what you’re doing? Why don’t you feel your best & do what you love every moment, because you’re worth it and you’re worth being able to feel happiness every fucking day. You’re not worth the anxiety. You’re not worth the depression. You’re not worth staying in places that you don’t belong.
If you keep trading yourself at work, and you keep going in and just draining yourself, draining yourself, draining yourself, then it’s going to keep repeating until you break it, and if that means cutting back at work so you can focus on things that actually make you happy (like that hot yoga class or anything that truly makes you more of your most authentic self).
Then do it. Why not say yes to yourself? Why are you saying yes to every single fucking thing that your job asks of you, but your SELF is asking you for stuff all the time, but you constantly respond with, “No. This person’s more important, because I need my job so freaking bad, right!?” Frustrating AF.
When you break that cycle though, you’re like, “Hey, I need some personal time to work on myself. I need to get back on track or I need to get in alignment with my true self again, because when I feel my best, I can produce my best. I can produce my best work, my best content, my best responses, my best relationships, the best care for my family. I can do what’s best and I can think clearly, because i’m not stressed and i’m in the moment, enjoying my life.
I’m consciously thinking thoughts that help create the reality I want to experience. When I think these thoughts, that help me create the reality that I want to experience, that help me rewrite the story I have been telling myself that I deserve; I attract & I manifest that ideal life. Instead of worrying about the shit that could or would be happening, I’m just worrying about what IS, and there’s nothing to worry about, because I am doing everything that I love.”
Promise me you’ll take this advice.
Promise me that you’ll say, “Yes.” to your SELF, more.
Yes to health. Yes to friendships. Yes to fun. Yes to self-love. Yes to conscious living. & if you don’t say yes now, you’ll have to later. This shit doesn’t end, and eventually you’ll just have to be in the moment, and eventually say, “Yes.“
So, why not now?
With so much love my #ConsciousSoulFam,